Education Department seeks to remove school’s accreditation
Washington, DC (AP) In a move that has surprised many experts, the Department of Education today announced that it has begun proceedings to formally remove accreditation from the prestigious School Of Hard Knocks. Secretary of Education Miguel Cardona announced the move at a hastily-assembled press conference on the White House lawn.
“It has recently come to the Department’s attention that the graduation rate of SOHK is appallingly low” said Cardona. “Many students, indeed nearly all of them literally die of old age before completing their education at this institution. In addition, a recent investigation indicated that the school lacks any semblance of a formal degree program, nor does it keep accurate records of student’s course work or academic progress.”
Industry analysts expressed surprise at the move. “Everyone was aware of the DoE’s recent focus on for-profit institutions, but nobody saw this coming”, said Guy LeStrange, education portfolio analyst for Chase. “The School of Hard Knocks isn’t run on a for-profit basis, so we didn’t expect it to be lumped with ITT and Wyo-Tech. Indeed, the school’s unique sliding-scale fee structure continues to make SOHK an attractive option for low-income students, and those wishing to avoid excessive student-loan debt.”
The overall impact of the move remains unclear. “Given the lack of degree programs at the school, it may not matter much at all” noted Matt Johnson, Director of Research at the Institute for Higher Tuition, an education thinktank based in Reston, VA. “Many employers pay little attention to an applicant’s course work at SOHK, and among those that do, few seek transcripts, relying instead on the interview process to determine how much a person has learned there.”
The Associated Press has made several attempts to reach out to officials at the school, but has so far been unable to get a comment from them regarding the move. Other schools that have lost accreditation have typically closed their doors, often quickly, but the School of Hard Knocks has made no indication of its plans.
Equally unclear is the economic impact if the school is forced to close. Experts estimate the school employs nearly 300 million faculty in this country alone, and many more overseas. LeStrange noted that nearly all of the school’s faculty are employed on a part-time basis, so the economic impact may be minimal.
I hope you enjoyed a bit of silliness! Happy April Fools Day!
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